Another early out

Well folks, we are dismissing yet again at 12:15 in anticipation on the storm heading our way. Our poor kids here at school really don't know what to think. We've already been out early once this week. We cancelled the parties scheduled for Friday b/c the superintendent didn't really think we would be here. They were supposed to be this afternoon and now we're leaving early so they're having them this morning. Granted the extra time off will be nice to get stuff done at my house, but I feel for the kids who look so forward to this. For some of this, it's really the best part of Christmas for them b/c they don't get much of one at home. Everyone's working really hard to make the best of the situation. Please pray for a safe and happy holiday season for all these little munchkins heading home. I know the majority of them will have a very blessed holiday, but for some of them, school is the place they feel safest and they won't be here for 2 1/2 weeks.

Also, pray for all the men & women that will no doubt get called out all night to make repairs and get things up and going for the rest of us this evening. Sometimes, I get excited about a snow day and forget that means some very dear friends are going to be out in the cold, ice, and snow while I'm tucked away in my house.

Have a great day. Stay warm, safe, and happy!

New Years?

I know, I know...Christmas isn't even here yet...but has anyone started thinking about their New Year's Resolutions yet? Just wondering!

It's beginning to look a lot like Christmas

Oh where to begin. First, I tried to type this post last night because I was bragging about the awesomeness of my new phone. Trenton & I got new Blackberrys on Sunday and I was super excited about having the internet on my phone and being able to blog. I spend about an hour trping a blog only to find out that I don't know how to get it to save. Isn't that wonderful! Anyway, I'm still excited about my phone b/c I feel a little bit more connected to the world with internet access. Unfortunately, it also means that my husband and I are spending more time on our phones now than we are actually speaking to each other. You know it's bad when he just text messages me from the couch to tell me he loves me. Can you say pathetic? Like I need one more reason to be a lazy bum?!?!

Second, I'm super excited for Christmas break. Not because I have my shopping, wrapping, baking, cooking, or cleaning done. But because I will get to spend some much needed time with my husband. I think he really needs some quality time (minus the phones). He's been really off lately. I think it's just because things have finally slowed down enough at work that he's just now processing everything that happened in October. I think he's been under a lot of pressure from certain outside forces that is really putting stress on him. And I hate that. He wants so bad to make everyone happy and when others purposefully say and do hurtful things, it just breaks my heart. I guess it's like they say though, sometimes those closest to you are the ones that can hurt you the most. All either one of us has needed the past few months is understanding and support. Yet he's expected to be the one to mend fences and make things right. I just wish for once, his feelings got put first. I'm probably a little biased though. I tend to be very protective of him...I can't imagine how I'll actually be when I have kids.

Third, I was so excited to see my neice, Angie, last week. She lives in Wyoming, but drove back for Uncle Gary's visitation and funeral. I hate the reason she was here, but I do miss her so much. She's only a year older than me so growing up we were more like sisters. I wish she could have stayed longer. I am going to miss Uncle Gary more than I will ever really be able to accept. I know he's in a better place now, but he has played such an important role in so many of my childhood and adult memories, that his death has left a gaping hole in my life. He's the one that bought me a Santa Claus that sings "We wish you a merry Christmas" when you pushed the nose when I was little. I'm sure he bought it mostly to annoy my dad, but that thing still hangs outside the door at my parents house. He bought me my first drink on my 21st. He taught me how to saddle and bridle a horse. He kept my horses for me when I went to college and didn't have a place for them and never asked for anything in return. He was a dancing fool. He taught me to two-step(not that I'm very good at it) He was a wonderful caring man. He raised two sons that were not his my blood or marriage, only by choice. He was a fun loving spirit and I will miss him dearly.

Fourth, I think that's it. Lerin is back from California this week so I'd like to get over to visit her more this week. We have our first official Christmas with that side on Saturday. Guess that means I should finish shopping, huh? I hope the weather holds out tomorrow and Friday so the kids will get to have their Christmas parties and programs!:)

It's Friday!!

How exciting! I've waited all week for Friday b/c...well I'm not really sure why. #1) I'm hoping Jenn will have that baby this weekend! 2) I've had a headache constantly since I woke up last Wednesday...as in the day before Thanksgiving and it will not go away. I am looking forward to taking some good medicine this weekend and resting some. 3) I'm going shopping tomorrow with Amee, Sarah, and April. Which means hopefully I'll have more presents to wrap b/c my tree looks sad without gifts under it.

I think that's it for now. Oh AND I only have to go to school 2 days next week. I'm going to that grant workshop in Jeff City. The fun part of it is...Trenton is going with me, the school is paying for it, and our hotel has an indoor heated pool and hot tub. So, despite the cruddy all day workshops...it's like a mini vacay before a 2 week vacation! And I don't have to pay for it...I can tolerate the boring workshops for that and who knows...I might learn something. In actuality though, I hate being gone because things seem to snowball when I'm away and then I spend more time trying to play catch up.

On a different note...our kindergarten teacher got a note from a parent today saying to watch her child because last night he couldn't stop sneezing. When she asked him what was wrong, he said he had an eyeball in his nose. Turns out he wasn't lying. He had shoved one of those googly eyes up his nose and apparently couldn't get it out. He's now being closely watched so something similar doesn't happen...what a mischievious little boy! What a way to make a teacher laugh on Friday!

Christmas has arrived at the Tallman's!!!

Trenton & I finally found a night to go get our Christmas tree, and I have to say...I think it's perfect! It's without a doubt the best one we've had in 4 years and it's so pretty. Each year I think I want one of those trees with ornaments that are all the same color and ribbon, and each year I put up the one with Trenton's John Deere ornaments, my great grandma's crocheted snowflakes, and the bear my kindergarten teacher gave me and I fall in love with my tree all over! I love my husband who spent 3 hours setting up the tree, helping me pick up pine needles, answering my questions of "Does this look okay here?", untangling strands of crochet popcorn, and hanging ornaments. After all that, he looked at me and said, "we better be close to done because I'm losing my enthusiasm!" What a trooper! I should have taken his picture! I told him I can't believe this is our 5th Christmas together. I have so many memories already, I can't imagine what people who've been married 50 years feel like! After we put the tree up and turned off the lights, it was so peaceful and beautiful. I told Trenton that for the first time in 2 months, I felt like there was true joy in our house again. Now...if only I could manage to get more than 3 presents wrapped.

Until next time.....

Good Grief...

So either I'm a major sucker or just looked like I needed something else to do? The principal and superintendent just came in and asked if I would go to a grant writing workshop in Jeff City next week. Apparently, the school board wants to apply for more grants and thinks the district needs a "grant writer" to learn about different types, etc. Guess who? Apparently, I'm a "good writer" or just full of BS...I'm not really sure. All I know is, I already have to go to Jeff tomorrow for a meeting all day. Then, turn around and go back next week for 3 days...oh well, at least I can get some Christmas shopping in. I just hate being gone from school. That means, I'll miss the school Christmas program and Sarah Visser's baby shower. I'm so disappointed about that, but how do you say NO to the principal and super? Just when I think I'm caught up....

On top of that, one of our dogs got hit this weekend. We knew he was missing on Friday night, but couldn't find him. Apparently, some kids saw him get hit, but the people didn't stop. We weren't home. He laid there all night, then they saw he was still there the next day, so they picked him up and took him to their house. They came to our house yesterday saying they had found a dog. Sure enough it was ours. However, his front leg was broken, as well as his pelvis, and he was bleeding internally, so we had to have Doc put him down. You would think growing up on a farm, it wouldn't have bothered me so much, but it was the first time I'd ever had to have an animal put to sleep, and it killed me. We had a great Thanksgiving for the most part. We had a fabulous time with my family on Saturday...and I had a blast shopping with my sisters in Des Moines on Friday. Trenton has been sick since Friday fighting a cold, I've been sick, but all in all, we had a great weekend.

Hope everyone had a wonderful Thanksgiving!

Happy Thanksgiving All!

Hope you all have a wonderful holiday weekend! See you girls on Monday!

What are we without our friends?

Seriously, this has been a crummy day from the time my feet hit the floor. Somedays are just like that, some are not. Some days I think, who cares if I have only 2 sick days left for the whole year, I really want to crawl in bed, pull the covers up, and pretend like I don't exist. Who cares if there is a stack of paperwork on my desk so insurmountable that I don't even know if I have a desk anymore? Who cares that my dishes are stacked in both sides of the sink b/c I just didn't feel like dealing with it last night? Who cares? Not me. I don't care about anything b/c life isn't fair, sometimes it sucks so bad I just stop caring.

Then, a friend emails you a link to a book, because she thought you should read it. So you read it, and you remember, there is always some One who cares. He cares for me, even when I don't have enough faith to care for myself. He loves me, even when I don't love myself. He believes in the plan He has for me, even when I don't care what that plan is. And He cares enough to bring people into my life that can make my crummy day, the one I couldn't deal with, okay enough that I can get through it long enough to wake up tomorrow morning and make it a better day. Because He cares that much.

So, thank you Bree for thinking about me.

Christmas Survey

Christmas Survey

I stole this from Jenn!


1. Wrapping paper or gift bags?
Wrapping paper. I'll do a gift bag if it's just to awkward to wrap, but not usually.

2. Real tree or Artificial?
We always had an artificial one growing up,until Mom & David got married, then we got to go pick out a real one. I'm sure my parents loved listening to 5 kids argue about the perfect tree. Trenton and I's tradition is to go get a real one. He would probably prefer artificial, but I love the thought of picking one out with our kids each year.


3. When do you put up the tree?
If possible, Thanksgiving weekend. That's usually the plan!


4. When do you take the tree down?
Before school starts back

5. Do you like eggnog?
Not really. Only about 2 sips of it, then I'm done.


6. Favorite gift as a child?
One year I got an Rainbow Bright oven. It was awesome!



7. Easiest person to buy for?
My sisters- of which I'm not buying for any of them this year b/c we drew all BOYS!


8. question 8 seems to have disappeared!

9. Do you have a Nativity scene?

Yes a really beautiful one that someon got us as a wedding gift! I can't wait to put it up

10. Mail or email Christmas cards?
Usually mail, I'm not very good about getting X-mas cards out though. Maybe after we have kids...


11. Worst Christmas gift you ever received?
One year, I really wanted a Caboodle Makeup Case. There was a box under the tree that I was sure that's what was in it. Instead on Christmas I opened up a big fuzzy robe with teddy bears on it.

12. Favorite Christmas Movie?
I have to go with the classics like Frosty, but Trenton makes me watch National Lampoons. We decided last year we were going to start our own tradition of always watching Alvin & the Chipmunks


13. When do you start shopping for Christmas?
Whenever I have the time and money. I pick up things here and there.

14. Have you ever recycled a Christmas present?
Not that I can think of.


15. Favorite thing to eat at Christmas?
Oysters...soup, fried, raw, etc... :) Thank God I married a man who loves them just as much!

16. Lights on the tree?
Colored and flashing!

17. Favorite Christmas song?
I love all the Trans-Siberian Orchestra music. But my favorite him is Silent Night

18. Travel at Christmas or stay home?
We usually spend the whole day on the run b/w all of our families. Last year, we did 5 Christmas's on Christmas Day. This year, they're spread out a little bit more. I love going to my mom's house though.


19. Can you name all of Santa's reindeer's?
Sure can! Just ask me!

20. Angel on the tree top or a star?
We have an angel, but growing up it was always a star.

21. Open presents on Christmas Eve or morning?
At mom's it's on Christmas Eve. I like to wait until Christmas morning, but Trenton is usually too impatient.

22. Most annoying thing about this time of the year?
The commericalism of Christmas and how the true meaning gets lost.

23. Favorite Ornament theme or color?
My favorite ornament is the broken cake topper from our wedding. We ordered a heart shaped ornament with our names, date, and a picture to use as a cake topper and our first year ornament, but my sister knocked it off the cake an hour before the wedding. The only piece that didn't shatter is the piece with our name and date on it. So we saved it and will hang it up each year. We still always get together at mom's and hang our childhood ornaments up each year.


24. Favorite for Christmas dinner?
Noodles and mashed potatoes


25. What do you want for Christmas this year?
In all honesty, I just want for the next year to be better than this year and for Trenton & I to get the chance to be parents.

26. Santa packages wrapped or unwrapped?????
Wrapped, in different paper


Feel free to copy & blog your own answers if you want to.

I'm late, I'm late...well, pretty much for everything

I'm sure in an alternate universe, I would be the person who is always early. Unfortunately, in this world...I'm not. Trenton has been up for work at 3am the last 2 mornings. He was supposed to be at work by 4:30 today. On Saturday and Sunday, I set my alarm as a backup. Not last night b/c he said he didn't want to wake me up since I had school...(can you see where this story is going). Anyway, at 4:06am, I woke up to a husband still snoring away beside me. I can't blame the poor guy, he's exhausted. He hasn't been home until 9 or later the last 2 weeks and when you start your day at 3am...it wears on you over time. Needless to say, I'm not sure his feet even hit the ground or what happened, but he was out the door at 4:11am. However, when I woke up to check the time for him, I hit the alarm button on my phone and shut my own alarm off. I couldn't go back to sleep until he called and told me he was at work which was 4:50. Had I been thinking I should have just stayed up. But I didn't and overslept. I rushed to get ready. Had an important meeting at 8:30. At about 2:30 this morning, I decided, hey I should provide donuts and juice for said meeting. So, even though I was running late. I stopped at Casey's, dropped a whole box of donuts on the floor and proceeded to hurry to school. ONLY 5 minutes late. The meeting was good, but not the best way to start your day. It threw my whole routine off. I have a morning list of things I do every day, today b/c I was running late, I didn't get to do any of them. I have 4 reports staring at me and a difficult parent in my office for 2 hours today.

Good news is...I'm meeting Sarah and Amee in K-ville after school, so that should be fun! My husband once again won't be home until the late hours of the night and I'm sure will have to be up before the sun tomorrow. (have I mentioned how much I LOVE hunting season). I have seen him for a total of 45 minutes in the last 4 days, if you don't count time when he's sleeping and not exactly the most conversational human on the planet. Sorry for the complaining. Good news is: I have been praying about it. I pray that he makes it to work and back home safe and sound each day!

I am terribly sad that Chad and Laurie will be leaving. I would love for them to stay because I feel that they have made such a positive difference in our community and our church, but I definitely understand the need and desire to be closer to family. Plus, I agree with Jenn, who are we to argue with the Big Guy on what his plan is?

That's all for now......

Ho hum...shallow and deep thoughts from yours truly...

I hate to even say this...my husband would kill me if he heard me say it...but...I'm afraid to admit......

I've been bitten by the Christmas bug. Confession time...I broke out the Christmas music on Tuesday, I started getting stuff out of the attic last night to bring to my office to decorate, and I've started gathering recipes for my Christmas baking. Not like I don't have anything else to do...but gosh darn it, it's been a rough week and let's face it...Christmas is cheery. I would listen to Christmas music 24/7/365 if Trenton wouldn't shoot me for it. After working at Wal-Mart (where they started playing it the day after Thanksgiving in case you didn't know) he can't stand Christmas music. I've resorted to only playing it in my office and am guilty of turning it down when anyone comes in so I don't have to hear about it...but it's been wonderful!

And it's not that I don't love Thanksgiving, because I do. But I love EVERYTHING about Christmas. After everything happened last month, I told Trenton I didn't even want to do the holidays. It just wasn't in my heart to be happy at the time and it's not that I'm happy by any means. I've had some pretty dark days lately, but I do know that Christmas is about so MUCH more. It's about the ultimate gift that was given to us. No amount of loss or turmoil in our lives could ever overshadow that joy and goodness. I found this poem below and love it. As much as Christmas means to me and you and all our families and what the birth of Jesus represents to us, I have never thought about what that day must mean to God. For that reason alone this year, I'm going to celebrate like no year before. I'm going to try hard to not get caught up in the hustle and bustle of checking things off my shopping lists. I'm going to not mourn over the things I've lost, but cherish the things we have gained this year, one being my baptism last January and the wonderful church family I found through it. And even though I'll be enjoying the usual Christmas traditions like listening to music, baking and such...inside I know I have much more to be joyous about that I will ever be able to understand. I don't think, even on the day I was baptized, I understood what exactly God gave up for me and yet He still celebrates the birth of his son. I can't even put into words how I feel about God giving up his son for my sins. Obviously, I know the pain of the loss of a child. But not in a way even comparable to God's sacrifice. He loved us THAT much. Never more has the gift of eternal life meant more to me than this year.

What if this year at Christmas...
I set Santa to the side...
forgo Frosty on the video
and rest Rudolph from his ride.
Perhaps then I'd forget those things
and listen in the night
for the clapping sounds of angel's wings
that caused the shepherds' fright.
And maybe I would start to shine
like that old Eastern star~
And wonder like those three wise men
who traveled from afar.
To pay Him honor, not just a passing nod.
This year I'm going to ponder~
"What Christmas means to God."

Just a thought for the day...

"Do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand....For I am the Lord, your God, who takes hold of your right hand and says to you, Do not fear; I will help you." (Isaiah 41:10,13)

Comfort Food

Last night, while eating a grilled cheese sandwich with soup, I realized that I "heart" grilled cheese sandwiches. I only had one last night (mostly b/c we had 6 pieces of bread left and I wanted to make Trenton 2 sandwiches), but I could have totally eaten about 3 more. Obviously, eating 3 additional grilled cheese sandwiches would have only added to the ever increasing size of my ghetto booty...but I digress...grilled cheese is probably my all time comfort food and after a day like yesterday....it was totally worth the butter slathered, melted cheese, calorie ridden little piece of heaven!

What's your comfort food?

Hello?!?!?

Just noticed that I hadn't written a new post in over 2 weeks and I'm sure you are all just dying to hear the latest news from yours truly. Actually, there is no news. Life is busy, school is CRAZY, and some days I think I'm losing my mind! Trenton is working non-stop. We did take a day to celebrate our 1st (yes, it's only been 1 year) anniversary on Monday. I decided on Sunday, spur of the moment, to rent a hotel in Kirksville and surprise him when he got off work late. He was surprised for sure! I had to lie a little bit to get him there, but it all worked out. We spent the evening relaxing in a jacuzzi and watching cable (I know...how romantic, but cable's exciting when you only have KTVO at home) I had a meeting @ Truman early Monday. I was done by noon, so we grabbed some lunch at Wooden Nickel, then killed some time, Trenton went to give blood, and then headed to the movies. We went to see the movie, Fireproof. I have to say it's the best money we've spent at the movies in a long time. It was wonderful, and even if you have a great marriage, it will open your eyes to improvement. It really made me think about how we talk to each other on a daily basis and that sometimes when I think I'm doing something nice for Trenton, I am really doing it for my own benefit and that's not what God's love is about. Anyway...good movie, especially on your anniversary! We went to Wal-Mart and then spent some big bucks on a dynamite dinner at Pancake City (hey is my husband romantic or what?!?!) Just kidding, we weren't that hungry and Napoli's the Italian restaurant we wanted to try out is closed on Mondays.

Anyway, the rest of the week has just been crummy. I'm currently still at work, not doing what I should be doing, but you know when a student tells you to shut up and stop talking...it kinda puts a damper on your attitude! I told Trenton that if there had ever been a night that I needed a drink after work.......today is the day!!!

On a different note, please say a prayer for Trenton & I and a situation we are praying very hard about. I'm sure more details will follow, but for now, just keep us in your thoughts and prayers as we try to take the path God is obviously setting before us and telling our hearts to follow.

Blog Facelift...

I've given my blog a "fall" facelift...let me know what you think...I'm not very good at getting creative, so tell me if it looks dumb!

Another addition to weird facts

Another weird fact that I'm almost 100% my husband and sisters would have insisted that I put down on my list is the fact that I always wear matching pajamas to bed. It might be shorts & a t-shirt, but if it's black shorts, the t-shirt has to have black on it somewhere. It might be my pink flannel pj pants, but my shirt will either be plain white or have pink (same shade). I didn't mention this on my list, because I really don't consider it to be that weird. However, I have been teased mercilessly for years about this obsession. My reasoning is simple. If there were ever a fire in my house in the middle of the night, and I have to run out of my house in only one outfit, I want it to match. I'm probably going to be busy #1) worrying about my safety & my husbands #2) grabbing important possessions like our lock box and not have time to worry about clothes. #3) I at least want to have something that covers my body & doesn't look completely ridiculous when I have to go start putting the pieces back together the next day. Maybe it is stupid to some people (definitely my husband, who should the house ever burn down, would be throughly embarrassed by his not matching or practical outfits and wishing he would have taken at least one piece of advice from his wife.) However, to me, it's important. Now in reality, I know the day after a house fire, people probably aren't going to look at me and be thinking OMG how could she wear pink flannel pajama pants with that ugly brown shirt. I know this...I just don't care. My husband is convinced I do it because I want to impress the firemen. Um, no offense to the firemen (my husband is one of them), but not so much....I don't know, maybe it's an underlying fear from childhood when my brother's house burnt down while we were all at school & my nephews only had what they were wearing that day...I don't know...regardless, you can bet when I go to bed tonight, I'll be wearing matching pj's :)

Why this needed to be expressed in my blog, I'm not sure. Maybe in hopes that my husband or sisters will read it and stop tormenting me for the next 30 years....maybe just maybe, I was hoping that if I typed it out, it would seem like a logical and rational thing to do.......HMMM...

Tagged...

If you're reading this consider yourself tagged if you haven't already been b/c I'm too stupid to understand how to link to all of you in step #4!

Here are the rules to enjoy the fun:
1. Link to your tagger and list these rules on your blog

2. Share 7 facts about yourself on your blog - some random, some weird.

3. Tag 7 people at the end of your post by leaving their names as well as links to their blog.

4. Let them know they have been tagged by leaving a comment on their blog

------------------------------------
1) I cannot stand anything on my hands. Pie crusts, mixing meatloaf, dirt, etc. I'm not a girly girl and I love to be outside, I just can't stand the sensation. Other than play dough, which is different to me than other dough...it's weird. I'll wash my hands in between everything. Like if I'm rolling snickernoodles into balls to roll in cinnamon & sugar...I wash my hands b/w each one. I worry I will somehow cause my future children to have some weird obsession with this as well.

2) I love my strange family. It's weird, complicated, big, loud & noisy, and I hope to have one just like it someday! I love the fact that I have 2 older brothers that are 49 & 51. I think in some ways we're much closer than siblings that are close in age. I grew up with nieces & nephews very close to my own age, so it was like a whole bunch of extended siblings. I miss my dad, but love David more than anything and thank God that he sent him to my family 10 years ago.

3) I don't think I was a very good teacher. I always thought I could be doing something better or helping a child more. I got too emotionally attached sometimes (alot of the time) and I think in some ways that inhibited my teaching of that child.

4) I am grateful to my husband's ex-girlfriend for introducing us. I don't particular want to be best friend's with her again, but I wouldn't trade them dating for anything b/c I wouldn't have met him otherwise. I think this is weird, b/c most people despise their spouse's exes.

5) I used to sleep with my eyes open. I'm not sure if I still do or not b/c my husband it too sound of a sleeper to ever notice something like this. But it used to freak my sisters out.

6) I without a doubt have a fear of dying. It's not because of lack of faith, because I know there is a heaven. I fear dying because I worry about things like will I remember Trenton? Who will be my mom's husband in heaven? Will I remember my baby or have my baby when I get there? I know that's a total lack of faith, but it's my obsession with having answers to questions.

7) The only food I will not eat is olives. I will try anything else and like almost anything else (hmm..could be an indicator of my waist size:) but I hate olives and am the only one in my family who does. I tried to eat one a couple of weeks ago and vowed to never touch another one as long as I live. If I was eating a supreme pizza and there was only one olive on the whole pizza, I could find it and wouldn't eat the rest of the pizza.


Tag......you're it!

Economy...your thoughts please...

So I've been pondering this in my head since last night. Jamie & I went grocery shopping yesterday while the boys were out doing man things (Trenton hunting, Josiah volleyball). I only needed a few things, but was cooking a turkey yesterday and wanted noodles to go with and was too lazy to make homemade ones, so I said I'd ride along. She was doing her "big" shopping. We went to Aldi's & Wal-Mart. I told her how impressed I was that she was so good as sticking to things on the list and her budget. She said she's really trying hard b/c her & Josiah are really worried about "depression" like times & the economy. As two 20 year olds, they don't have alot of savings or things like a deep freezer full of meat. It really got me thinking, how prepared are Trenton & I for hard times and will it come to that? I know or at least hope we will never face a depression like what are grandparents/great grandparents went through. But what about our own depression/hard times? I know subconsciously once I started thinking about it, there are things Trenton & I've already been doing just b/c our budget is tighter. We've started eating out less, I pack my lunch more with leftovers instead of eating/paying for school lunch. We make less trips places and try to carpool more. Jamie's comment though was "at least you guys would be ok food wise b/c you have a pantry & deep freeze full". Which I agree there, but what about simple things like paying for gas/heat? I know prices have went down, but we're still paying for the toll of the increased bill the last 6 months has had on our budget. What if it spikes again mid-winter? I know the best answer to all these fears and doubts is to turn it over to God and trust that he will provide what is needed (not what we want) as long as we have faith and believe. But I still think you have to do some things to help yourself out. Trenton & I are at a time in our lives where obviously we want to start a family, which means we need to be saving and reorganizing our spending habits, but do you save now or try to pay off as many bills as you can? I know some of you probably don't think as much about things like this as I do. I've always been a worry wart about money. Mostly b/c I'm the one who pays all our bills and does all our shopping. It just really made me think when I hear people like Jamie seriously concerned about money, economy, and saying words like depression. Have I had my head in the sand? Should I have been a little more proactive instead of re-active? Anyway...point of this post? Are you worried about the economy and hard times? What are you doing about it in your own lives? Cutting coupons? Turning down the heat when you're gone? Let's hear it....

Overwhelmed...

Maybe I just got spoiled on my time off, but work is extremely overwhelming right now. I came back to a desk full of papers, all needing immediate attention. I haven't been to see my speech kids in 3 weeks because of meetings, etc... I haven't been in to visit any of my teachers in ages...or some at all. And on top of that, I'm informed yesterday that the report I've been asking about since the first of the school year, is due Wednesday AND I'm the one who has to do it. Also, something I was asking about since Day 1 and was told the secretary would do it. God Bless Ruthie if she does this for Mary every year. What a pain in the a$$. Yes, I should be working on it right now, because I currently have 1 out of 89 students entered in. But it was either write this blog, cry, or scream. I thought screaming would scare the Kindergartners heading past my door. Crying would ruin my makeup today, which actually looked decent and made me feel like a human being again. So blogging it is.......AHHH!!! I would like to return to sticking my head in the sand and pretending that work doesn't exist. I would like to go home to my wonderfully clean, laundry finished, bathroom scrubbed house and watch my soap operas.... guess I'm just a dreamer...

Always there...

I'm back, I'd like to say good as new, but that would be a lie. We're doing ok though. The last week has been without a doubt the hardest week of my life, but it has also been a life changing experience. Trenton & I have leaned on each other and I feel that our relationship is much stronger through our loss. It's been hard, but we've also learned that we have amazing friends and family and without that support, I'm not sure where we would be. I know some of you may wonder why I would chose to write this all out, but the point of this blog was to be a journal to me and my feelings/thoughts. Some of this may be pretty random because that's how my thoughts are right now. I can't say that I understand why this happened to us, but I do believe God has a reason and a plan. My faith at times has wavered, but I know it will not fail. I think the hardest part of it has been trying to understand why we were able to get pregnant at all, just to have it torn away. I don't know what was harder, not knowing if I could get pregnant or wondering now why I wasn't able to keep my baby? A million questions and I'll never have the answers to any of them. The only things I know for sure are: 1) God doesn't give you more than you can handle...therefore, even though it doesn't feel like it now, we will be ok. 2) God has a plan bigger than our own...we just have to be patient 3) Although we'll never hold our baby, we know it is in the arms of God and there is no safer, more loving place than that. 4) My husband is an amazing man and I have never felt more loved and supported than I have by him these past 12 weeks. I know now that he was truly sent to me by God.

Thank you all for your calls, food, visits, cards, prayers, etc. I appreciate all the offers for company and will probably take you up on them in the future. Right now keeping busy is the best distraction. Trenton starts back in full hunting mode at work this week and will be gone a lot, so my mission is keeping busy and getting back to some sense of normalacy. We are truly blessed to live where we do and be surrounded by great friends and family! Thank you!

Exhausted

Quick update on the Tallman household, simply b/c I don't feel up to sitting and typing all that long. I'm back @ work today after taking Thursday and Friday of last week off. Still bleeding/cramping and can't make it stop. It got better over the weekend, but stupidly, I thought since today was only PD, I could make it at work. Plus, I just really hated to be gone another day, unplanned. However, things have degressed today and are now just as bad as they were last week. I'm going home to rest at 3:00 and don't plan on moving off my couch all night. I'm very anemic anyway, but darn it, 11 days of this and I'm wiped out completely! I could probably sleep for a full 24 hours. I'd call the doctor, but he's not in today and we have an appt. tomorrow anyway. Plus, Trenton just called and they are inducing Trinity today apparently...not sure, he had to get off the phone. So, since we share a doctor, I know he's out b/c a different doctor is taking care of her today. Anyway, hope everyone is good and I definitely miss reading everyone's blogs when I'm at home....we have got to get internet!

My heart...my husband

1. Sitting in front of the TV, what's on the screen? well we only have ABC...so sports or news...but when we had more choices....ALWAYS the weather channel, history, or discovery...he's a nerd at heart :)
2. You're out to eat; what kind of dressing does he get on his salad? Ranch..always
3. What's one food he doesn't like? tomatoes, cooked cabbage, alot of vegetables...
4. You go out to a bar. What does he order? usually an iced tea, but if he's drinking, it's crown & coke
5. Where did he go to high school? Schuyler County
6. What size shoe does he wear? 10E or a 10 1/2 depends on the shoe
7. If he was to collect anything, what would it be? John Deere stuff...
8. What is his favorite type of sandwich? Old fashion loaf with pepperjack cheese
9. What would this person eat everyday if he could? steak or beef of some sort..
10. What is his favorite cereal? whatever is available...he's not picky about cereal
11. What would he never wear? shorts...unless they're mesh shorts around the house or leather sandals...
12. What is his favorite sports team? KC Chiefs & Mizzou
13. Who will he vote for? His decision..
14. Who is his best friend? I'd say ME but he has a ton of friends...he's still friends with all his high school and college friends
15. What is something you do that he wishes you wouldn't do? sulk..he's a sulker when things don't go his way and be such a techno nerd...
16. How many states has he lived in? Missouri
17.What is his heritage?ummm ??
18. You bake him a cake for his birthday, what kind of cake? Strawberry or red velvet
19. Did he play sports in high school? Football and track, but only for one year b/c then he didn't have to miss any football games in the fall for his MIP
20. What could he spend hours doing? hunting, playing on the computer, riding a tractor, talking, and spending time with his wonderful wife :) (ok, I might have just made the last part up, but I hope if he had hours to spend, he'd want to spend them with me)

How great is our God?

I cannot even begin to express my gratefulness in having such a wonderful and caring Lord that watches over me. I should explain...last Wednesday after I finally posted about our exciting news, I started having a lot of trouble that evening. I've had trouble, bleeding/cramping early on and the doctor said that if it didn't last more than a day or two, not to worry...well come Friday, I was worried. They're not in the office on Fridays, but advised bed rest for the weekend, ultrasound at 11 on Monday and absolutely to take it easy. Easier said than done with 2 surprise parties (thrown by Trenton & I) on Saturday and Sunday. Bless my sisters for stepping in and taking charge both days, even though Sunday was for Lisa and I'm sure they had better ways of spending their weekends. My mom came and helped me cook food on Sunday for Lisa's party and basically I was able to rest and do what the dr. said. However, the bleeding/cramping didn't stop and by last night, I was a frantic trainwreck of emotions. Trenton & I had talked & were hoping for the best, but prepared (or the best we could) for the worst this morning. However, when we got in there, the little monkey was wiggling all around, HB of 171, and in general doing great. We've measured behind all along, so that wasn't a real concern because it's consistent. The dr. said in all his years of delivering babies and what not, he's had a handful of people that inexplicably bleed/cramp and everything is fine. He said take it easy and rest assured the little one is healthy. WHEW!!! I know God has a plan for Trenton & I, but it's heartbreaking to think that something is wrong when you've become so attached to the little person inside. Sorry for the ramble, but after this weekend, I just wanted to lift this wonderful joy up in praise of God!

A weight lifted...

Sometimes I just let myself get way too bogged down with worry. I worry about absolutely everything and if you were to ask my husband he would whole heartedly agree. Lately, there have been many, many, many things with our families and I have let myself stress out about it way too much. It's affecting my mental, emotional, and physical health. So after a long drawn out dramatic crying session to my husband....I'm letting go of the things out of my control. I cannot control what certain people choose to do or more importantly not to with their own bodies. I cannot make choices for them. I have my life and am making my own choices. Even when the decisions they make are obviously bad ones, it's their lives to lead. So, I'm taking Jenn's advice and I'm letting go. I have to...life's too short to be angry and bitter. I know that God would want me to be supportive of these people, and I can't be that person when I let the bitterness take over. There's a song played on 90.7 and I heard it this morning and it really makes alot of sense.


I'm Letting Go" Lyrics
by Francesca Battistelli from the album My Paper Heart

My heart beats, standing on the edge
But my feet have finally left the ledge
Like an acrobat
There’s no turning back
I’m letting go
Of the life I planned for me
And my dreams
Losing controlOf my destiny
Feels like I’m falling and that’s what it’s like to believe
So I’m letting go
This is a giant leap of faith
Trusting and trying to embrace
The fear of the unknown
Beyond my comfort zone
I’m letting go
Of the life I planned for me
And my dreams
Losing controlOf my destiny
Feels like I’m falling and that’s what it’s like to believe
So I’m letting go
Giving in to your gravity
Knowing You are holding me
I’m not afraid
Feels like I’m falling and that’s what it’s like to believe
Feels like I’m falling and this is the life for me

Exciting Stuff......and more...

So....I've been dying to write this particular blog for over a month and a half now...but I can finally breathe a sigh (a small sigh) of relief and start letting people know that......Trenton & I are expecting!!! FINALLY!!! I hate secret keeping and lately it seems like my whole life has revolved around keeping other people's secrets, not to mention our own little secret. I thought at first it would be fun that only Trenton, me & a few select others knew about it, but then as other things started piling up, it really wasn't that fun. I wanted to be able to ask people for advice & not worry myself to death. I wanted to be excited about my blessing instead of bogged down with everyone else's drama...and finally we can. I'm sure there is enough other things going on in people's lives that this isn't obviously going to be the center of everyone's world, but it is mine despite all the other junk going on. So, I'm officially announcing it...I'm going to be a mom! :)

On other news...we (Trenton & I) just got back from my 3 day conference at Tan-Tar-A. It was so nice to escape the reality of our lives at home for just a few days, even though it was work related. We didn't really do anything exciting down there, other than went swimming and enjoyed the cable TV. We were supposed to have a room with a king size bed, but ended up in a room with 2 double beds. Ever tried to share a double bed with a bed hogging husband after you've gotten used to your spacious queen sized bed? It felt like trying to share a bunk bed...But besides getting no sleep for 2 days, we had a great time. Hunting season begins today for Trenton, so I won't see alot of him from now until the end of November. I told him the other day I'm a seasonal widow! We worked at the farm for a couple hours last night to get the finishing touches on for today. I'm exhausted and couldn't sleep last night, so I'll be taking a long nap before Sonlight tonight.

Ok, I've been gone from work for 5 days, I'm pretty sure I don't know where the top of my desk is, so instead of blogging, I should probably get caught up on work stuff...

New Baby!

My sister finally had her baby...I'll give you the details and try to make time for the whole story...

Myra Jean Bogatzke- 6:58am on 9/15/08 21 inches long and 8 lbs 13oz. She is a chunk! She has a big round face and double chin and looks just like her dad! Her hair is dark colored, but we'll see if it stays that way. If I could have brought her home with me, I would have! Now if you'd asked me how I felt about babies while Holly was screaming her lungs out that morning, I might have had a different answer. I asked Trenton if he could figure out an alternative method (like him having the baby) but he said he was pretty sure that was my job and I'd just have to suck it up!

They induced Holly at 7am on Sunday. Trenton & I were planning on going to the Chiefs game w/ Lisa & Butch b/c they bought him tickets for his birthday. We decided to go b/c Holly said she figured it would take awhile...and that it did. 23 hours and 58 minutes later...Welcome Baby Myra! Trenton & I got to the hospital in Centerville a little before midnight. At the time, I sleeping on the cement hospital floor did not rank as my favorite thing, but it was worth it in the end! I decided to skip school yesterday, because darn it, I was exhausted! I had been up since 4 am on Sunday and finally hit the bed at 9:45 am on Monday...almost 30 hours later...if you knew everything I had going on with colds, meds, and other stuff...you would know this was quite a task for me! Although, I'm sure it doesn't even begin to compare to how tired Holly was. She did great...although she had to have several stitches and lost a lot of blood. She was doing wonderful last night other than her blood pressure won't stay down...which means we couldn't stay and visit too terribly long...I have pictures put haven't downloaded them off my camera yet.

Seeing Myra really confirmed the fact that I (we) are beyond ready to start our family. I can't wait! My friend Serena brought their little boy Levi to our house on Friday and stayed the evening b/c her husband is the Salisbury football coach and she didn't want to have to sit in the rain with the baby. Trenton was absolutely in heaven! He loves babies...boys or girls. He says he hopes we have a boy, but you should see him with Adi...it was love at first sight! He'll say, we haven't seen James and Amee for awhile, I wonder how Adi is? Or Emma...that girl could get away with anything with Trenton. At the Relay for Life on Saturday, she came and sat with us, and had to be Trenton's parrot b/c he always put her up on his shoulder...I used to think she liked me more, but I'm pretty sure I lost that one! We love spending time with other people's kids, but I am truly ready for one of our own...

Other than that...life will hopefully resume to some normalcy. I have meetings on Wed, Thurs, & screening on Friday and am supposed to leave for Tan-Tar-A for a conference on Sunday and be gone until Tuesday. I am hoping (translate: the odds are against me) that my husband will be able to go with me, but with all the rain that's looking doubtful. It will be pretty boring if I have to go by myself...but we'll see, pray he gets to go...he needs a break too! And I just found out instead of staying in Memphis for a meeting tomorrow, I may have to go to a different meeting in Columbia! Yippee...not so much! At least the meeting on Thursday doesn't start until 9 in Kirksville, so I can sleep in and come home early! Ok, back to work...being away for a day sure left a stack of stuff for me to do and unfortunately blogging is not on that list...

Have you ever noticed???

That when you want the time to fly, it never does? I want school to be over today and it has done nothing but drag on...including the time it took to go outside in the rain for a fire drill. I've been in such a funk lately and I shouldn't be...and standing out in the rain...definitely did not help :( But the good news is: 1) Sonlight starts tonight!! Yea!! 2) My husband is in charge of supper tonight and he's fixing cheesy potato soup! 3) We rented The Bucket List the other day and are finally going to watch it tonight.

Also, if anyone knows of a magic way to get laundry & house cleaning done while you take a nap, please let me know? My house is a DISASTER!! And all I can seem to do is sleep! Bad combination.

Ok, boring blog I know...hopefully I'll have something more exciting to blog about soon.....:)

Finally Friday

So the week that has seemed eternally long is finally over! I've started the last 2 mornings with killer headaches. I would like to blame it on the early morning waking to go work out with Amee, but I'm afraid that isn't it...More than likely, it's the incredibly incompetent people I've had to deal with the last 2 days....ok, more like person....grrr....anyway....

Really excited it's Friday. We have a surprise party tomorrow...yeah! Other than that, hopefully, I will be moving my furniture back into my bedroom, which means I can sleep in my own bed and not at my mother in law's anymore. I'm very grateful that they have fed and sheltered us this week...but darn it, I miss my bed. We could have very easily have stayed at our own house on the air mattress, but the fumes from the varnish were too much for me to handle. For those of you wondering what the heck is going on...we ripped up the carpet in our bedroom, painted the walls, and refinished the beautiful hardwood floor that was hiding under the nasty moldy carpet. Although the project was a little more expensive than planned, much to Trenton's dislike...I am completely satisfied and ecstatic about moving my stuff back in. I promised Trenton I wouldn't come up with anymore projects for awhile, but I'm afraid that might have been a lie.....I have a whole list...like redoing the bathroom and cleaning out the spare room and taking the bed down...maybe I'll wait for Christmas break...

My sister should be having her baby someday soon...I hope..the anticipation is killing me. They won't tell us what name they have picked out and I'm going crazy. Soon enough I guess!!!

Alright, back to work....enough time killed for now!

I...

I AM.....a wife, a friend, a teacher, a sister, a daughter, and many more to come!
I WANT.....to learn to savor today and stop worrying so much about tomorrow. I want to have confidence that I am a good wife, friend, teacher, etc...
I HAVE.....an overwhelming desire to nuture others and be a mom someday...
I WISH I COULD......find a way to let my husband know just how much he means to me and how much I appreciate all he does.
I HATE......that I have a need to be accepted and loved by people, even if it's an unhealthy relationship, I still want to be liked and wanted.
I FEAR.......that I won't actually be good at my new job because my heart is still with the kids at my old one.
I SEARCH.......for answers to questions I know I will never actually find the answers to, which in reality tests my faith in ways I wish it didn't...
I REGRET.......that I'll always live with the doubt of whether or not I could have made a difference in the way a loved one's life ended.
I LOVE.........my husband and how hard he works to make our life together better everyday. He truly is my soulmate and the one person I know I can ALWAYS count on. I LOVE our church and the peace I have found there. I LOVE our current and future blessings and our families.
I ACHE FOR.........for lost souls..whether it's children, adults, animals, etc. I have a very tender heart. I ACHE FOR one last hug from my dad.
I ALWAYS CRY...........well...I just always cry, alot lately! I cry when I'm mad, sad, happy, joyful, overwhelmed, hurting, etc.
I AM NOT...........perfect, although I waste a lot of my time trying to be and trying to make others think I am. I am not one to make hasty decisions which sometimes means I lose "the moment"
I DANCE...........to slow songs when my husband will dance with me. I dance in my head all the time and wish I was as graceful in reality and I am in my fantasy. And I dance to anything when I've overindulged at family functions!
I SING............even though I shouldn't! I sing in the car (which I'm sure is probably the reason Trenton married me...or not), I sing all the time...it's just not always a pleasant experience!
I NEVER............have been able to make food taste the same way as my mother-in-law, even though I follow her recipe exactly!
I RARELY..........meaning almost never, go through a day without telling my husband I love him at least a dozen times.
I CRY WHEN I WATCH............the commercial on TV about the animal adoption...anymore, Trenton just makes me turn my head or cover my eyes.
I AM NOT ALWAYS.........as ok as I seem...
I HATE THAT...........I'm a jealous person when it's totally unnecessary
I'M CONFUSED ABOUT..........why I feel homesick and heartsick when I have a good job and am surrounded my great people, why do I still miss the place I chose to leave?
I NEED...........to trust God more and not spend so much time perfecting my plan when I know my plan isn't always His plan.
I SHOULD...........worry less, love more, laugh more, hug more, and get back to work!

Good-bye Summer!

Day # 2 of school and I'm exhausted already. I really really like my job, but I have to admit that I'm very homesick for Schuyler. I miss the staff and I'm heartsick for "my" kids. I know it will get better once I get settled in a little more and it helps knowing that Jenn is going through the same emotions. I think the tragedy here has made it a little bit difficult to 1) get in a groove and 2) get to know some of the staff b/c they are all grieving as a group.
Life has been crazy to say the least lately. Trenton is taking today off work for the first time in 3 1/2 weeks and I'm at school. He's spending his day moving the furniture out of our bedroom so Kate and I can paint it and Jamie and Josiah are going to redo the hardwood. What a good husband! Actually, he just knows if he doesn't do it, I would try to move it all by myself...cause' I'm stubborn like that! We are going to visitation tonight for James' dad and possibly going to Antique Days in Memphis later. We've been very blessed lately with a lot of things in our lives and I just hope we can pay it forward and continue to grow in our faith and family.
We are awaiting the upcoming arrival of my niece! Holly is supposed to be having her baby sometime in the next month...hopefully in a few more weeks, because I'm getting anxious!

Ok, well that's it for now......I better get back to my actual job...which I'm pretty sure did not include blogging in the description!

I finally have a few minutes to catch up on this crazy thing! We made it back from our mini vacation on Saturday evening. I spent all week in Jeff City at training and then made a quick trip to the 'Ville' for graduation. Trenton and I were able to spend a leisurely day at the Omaha Zoo on Friday and really enjoyed ourselves. Trenton had been there before in 04' but they have added several things since then and I had never been so it was quite the experience. On Saturday, we met up with some friends and had pizza at their house and were able to visit all afternoon. They have a little boy that's 16 mo. and he is a pistol. If I didn't have baby fever before we went....I definitely do now...he's too cute. And Monica is expecting baby number #2 in October, so that made it even more exciting! We love going back to Maryville to visit and I've always said if there was one place I would move, it would be back there. I think part of it is that's where I was living when Trenton and I first started dating so I have a lot of memories with him there, but also because I spent 4 years of my life there on my own. He, however, would move to Colorado! I love Maryville because despite being a college town, it has the feel of closeness like Schuyler County...only with a Wal-mart! LOL!

I do have to say though, that I am exhausted. Another week of training everyday this week, plus helping Trenton at the farm until late each night and getting up with Amee to go to Bloomfield to workout...I can't wait to sleep in...wait, there are no more days to sleep in...school starts in a week and a half :( We also have my sister's baby shower on Saturday, so I feel like free time I have (like now) should be spent getting things ready for it. We were supposed to go to St. Louis with James and Amee, but aren't going to be able to go because of the weather and Trenton being behind in the fields, with hay, etc. I'm really sad about that because I know it would have been a blast and Trenton & I have never been to an amusement park together...so Six Flags would have been awesome!

Alright...back to work...on what I'm not sure, but I should probably be more productive than just blogging away all my spare time!

Happy Birthday to Me!

Another year older...honestly, where does the time go? I've had a wonderful day! It seems like alot has happened in the past week that I wanted to blog about, but now I can't remember anything. We spent the morning at church, afternoon at my parents with all my siblings, and this evening at Lisa & Butch's. My brother, Ben, was home for the weekend and I actually had a chance to visit with him. I got to meet his girlfriend...well actually fiancee now, he proposed last night. She seems really nice. We took pictures today of all 5 of us kids with Mom and David...the first pictures since their wedding in 98'. It was definitely time for an update. My fantastic husband got me a new digital camera for my birthday so maybe now I can get some pictures. I love to take pictures but haven't had a decent camera til' now.

On the subject of my husband...not to be too mushy, but he is absolutely amazing! I realize that everyone obviously thinks that the person they are married to is amazing, or they probably wouldn't have married them. But Trenton is honestly one in a million. Everyday he continues to amaze me and make me love him even more. He has been working is @$$ off at work with long hours, weekends, and a never ending to do list, but still he finds a way to spend time with me and let me know that I am an important part of his life. He makes me feel loved, appreciated, and like he couldn't possibly love anyone else more than he does me. I cannot wait to start our family together and grow old together. I do hope he knows how grateful I am that God brought him into my life and let us find our way to each other!

Anyway...enough mushy stuff! I'm headed to Jeff City for a 3 day training, then off to Maryville for my Master's graduation on Thursday. Then Trenton and I are going to take a few days in Maryville to visit old friends and go to the Omaha Zoo.

that's all for now...

I'll give it a try...

So, I've recently become addicted to reading everyone's blogs. I love reading what everyone has been up to, especially when I don't see everyone as much in the summer. With that and a discussion about blogging with Amee, I decided that I would give it a shot. I don't really have anything exciting to blog about...we don't have any kids, our jobs keep us pretty busy (except while on summer break for me!), and in general, we're actually kinda boring folks! But, nevertheless, I'm usually not at a loss for words, so maybe this will be fun!