I think I'm starting to freak out a little bit about the whole almost there thing. Do you see that countdown on the right? It says 46 days. Give or take a few. That is impossible.
I lay awake at night thinking things like, what if the name we have picked out doesn't sound right? Should we change it? What if I can't breastfeed, do I have a formula on hand for back up? If so, what one? Will she be warm enough in the pram that I have for a winter coat? What if we get snowed/stuck in the house and I need something for her? What if we're simply just not good at being parents? What if that maternal instinct, doesn't kick in for me? People keep asking me what kind of diapers and wipes I want...I don't know, I don't have a baby to try them on yet. I know this kind works for you, but what if it gives my girl a rash. So I just say, you pick and we'll hope for the best. I'm trying to be laid back about figuring things out as we go, but the more questions people ask me about things I don't know yet, the more I'm starting to feel like the kid that needs the cheat sheet to pass the test. I'm open for all kinds advice.
Then I think about other stupid stuff, like "Trenton, yes, I know it's 3:15 in the morning, but do you think James would come look at the light in the basement and why it won't work?" OR " I really want to get that spare bed set up in the basement tomorrow". Granted, most nights, I've refrained from waking him up and just lay there with my mental list until morning. I feel like I'm becoming the grouchy pregnant lady because I'm not sleeping and other people's demands just put more pressure on the never-ending list of things I feel like I need to get done first. I'm feeling the pressure of the whole holiday schedule and be here at this time and there at that time and so and so wants to have Thanksgiving on this day. I know part of that is the unknown of when she will come, so I don't feel like we have any 100% definite plan of how our time will be spent from Thanksgiving to Christmas. If she's 2 weeks early, hello Thanksgiving. If she's 2 weeks late, Merry Christmas! I just feel like saying, "yeah, about that, we'll be there if we can, but if not, Happy Holidays!"
Tell me this is all normal. Tell me that it's a temporary thing because the time is getting so close. I just can't help but feel that we've waited so long for this, but at the same time, I know our WHOLE lives are going to change. What if we aren't as ready for that change as we thought. My husband appears to be Mr. Calm and Cool. He just keeps telling me, we're adaptable, we're flexible, we can handle it. I know he's right, but someone needs to send my brain that memo at 3:00 am when it's making yet another to do list.
Kira Has a Hole
1 week ago