Ho hum...shallow and deep thoughts from yours truly...

I hate to even say this...my husband would kill me if he heard me say it...but...I'm afraid to admit......

I've been bitten by the Christmas bug. Confession time...I broke out the Christmas music on Tuesday, I started getting stuff out of the attic last night to bring to my office to decorate, and I've started gathering recipes for my Christmas baking. Not like I don't have anything else to do...but gosh darn it, it's been a rough week and let's face it...Christmas is cheery. I would listen to Christmas music 24/7/365 if Trenton wouldn't shoot me for it. After working at Wal-Mart (where they started playing it the day after Thanksgiving in case you didn't know) he can't stand Christmas music. I've resorted to only playing it in my office and am guilty of turning it down when anyone comes in so I don't have to hear about it...but it's been wonderful!

And it's not that I don't love Thanksgiving, because I do. But I love EVERYTHING about Christmas. After everything happened last month, I told Trenton I didn't even want to do the holidays. It just wasn't in my heart to be happy at the time and it's not that I'm happy by any means. I've had some pretty dark days lately, but I do know that Christmas is about so MUCH more. It's about the ultimate gift that was given to us. No amount of loss or turmoil in our lives could ever overshadow that joy and goodness. I found this poem below and love it. As much as Christmas means to me and you and all our families and what the birth of Jesus represents to us, I have never thought about what that day must mean to God. For that reason alone this year, I'm going to celebrate like no year before. I'm going to try hard to not get caught up in the hustle and bustle of checking things off my shopping lists. I'm going to not mourn over the things I've lost, but cherish the things we have gained this year, one being my baptism last January and the wonderful church family I found through it. And even though I'll be enjoying the usual Christmas traditions like listening to music, baking and such...inside I know I have much more to be joyous about that I will ever be able to understand. I don't think, even on the day I was baptized, I understood what exactly God gave up for me and yet He still celebrates the birth of his son. I can't even put into words how I feel about God giving up his son for my sins. Obviously, I know the pain of the loss of a child. But not in a way even comparable to God's sacrifice. He loved us THAT much. Never more has the gift of eternal life meant more to me than this year.

What if this year at Christmas...
I set Santa to the side...
forgo Frosty on the video
and rest Rudolph from his ride.
Perhaps then I'd forget those things
and listen in the night
for the clapping sounds of angel's wings
that caused the shepherds' fright.
And maybe I would start to shine
like that old Eastern star~
And wonder like those three wise men
who traveled from afar.
To pay Him honor, not just a passing nod.
This year I'm going to ponder~
"What Christmas means to God."