Monday, October 13, 2008

Always there...

I'm back, I'd like to say good as new, but that would be a lie. We're doing ok though. The last week has been without a doubt the hardest week of my life, but it has also been a life changing experience. Trenton & I have leaned on each other and I feel that our relationship is much stronger through our loss. It's been hard, but we've also learned that we have amazing friends and family and without that support, I'm not sure where we would be. I know some of you may wonder why I would chose to write this all out, but the point of this blog was to be a journal to me and my feelings/thoughts. Some of this may be pretty random because that's how my thoughts are right now. I can't say that I understand why this happened to us, but I do believe God has a reason and a plan. My faith at times has wavered, but I know it will not fail. I think the hardest part of it has been trying to understand why we were able to get pregnant at all, just to have it torn away. I don't know what was harder, not knowing if I could get pregnant or wondering now why I wasn't able to keep my baby? A million questions and I'll never have the answers to any of them. The only things I know for sure are: 1) God doesn't give you more than you can handle...therefore, even though it doesn't feel like it now, we will be ok. 2) God has a plan bigger than our own...we just have to be patient 3) Although we'll never hold our baby, we know it is in the arms of God and there is no safer, more loving place than that. 4) My husband is an amazing man and I have never felt more loved and supported than I have by him these past 12 weeks. I know now that he was truly sent to me by God.

Thank you all for your calls, food, visits, cards, prayers, etc. I appreciate all the offers for company and will probably take you up on them in the future. Right now keeping busy is the best distraction. Trenton starts back in full hunting mode at work this week and will be gone a lot, so my mission is keeping busy and getting back to some sense of normalacy. We are truly blessed to live where we do and be surrounded by great friends and family! Thank you!


Andrea Frederick said...

I'm so glad you are using friends, family, and God to help you through this time. I see you and Trenton and you are an inspiration to two are one in the same. Good luck in the weeks to come and thanks for stopping by last night!

Jamie said...

Hey pretty lady,
I just wanted to let you know that Michael and I have been thinking about you and Trenton. We have been praying for you. We will continue to do so since this is sure to be a rough time for both of you but like you said God has a plan and in that we must trust. I have faith in him and his plans. I know it is hard and it doesn't always seem to make sense to us but in time it will reveal itself and hopefully we come out a little wiser and stronger in our faith in the end. Just know that you are loved (even if it is from a far way place like the 'Ville).
Love you both,
Jamie and Michael
PS ... if you decide you just need a break and want to run away... You know you are always welcome. We do have a spare bedroom ;)