Wednesday, February 18, 2009

Plain and simple

Wow...a whole week without a post? That's impossible. Honestly, I've been in a blogging slump...or maybe a life slump, I'm not sure which, but things are getting better.

Nothing exciting to report. We had a great Valentine's day. I had a meeting Friday & Trenton ended up having to work, but we spent all day Saturday bumming around. I fixed a nice dinner, complete with candles. We didn't do anything fancy, we just talked, relaxed, and enjoyed the time. Sometimes, you just need to do that.

My husband...is amazing. In the last week, I have been lower than I really ever remember being before. I've been very pessimistic, depressed, and a really Debbie Downer. I am very frustrated with our struggles with infertility. I'm at a point, where I just don't understand. I feel like we have done something wrong. I don't like to go places where I know people are going to ask "if we're trying again", I don't like to go places where I know we're going to be the only ones without children or expecting, I am just really struggling with going any place. I go to work and I like to just come home. Maybe it truly is depression, I don't know. The only place that gives me any comfort is Sonlight and most Sundays, church. Which is strange because God is the only one who has the answers to the questions I have and am not getting. I've heard all the pep talks in the world about waiting for "our turn". I know it's meant with good intentions, but it hurts all the same when you feel like it should have already been your turn. I feel like the person who is living in my body now is a stranger. I've never been pessimistic or negative before, but I don't know how to get back. But thanks to the strength of my husband and his love, I'm ok. He holds me when I cry, he calls me to check on me throughout the day, he reassures me we can make it and will be ok. He's the half full cup to my half empty one these days. He loves me when I'm unlovable. I never thought I would find someone who would unconditionally love me. His heart is bigger than imaginable and he's picked me up more times than there are snowflakes in winter. He's this impossible source of strength that continues to give me hope for a new tomorrow. I love him. Plain and simple. Please pray for us.


On that note, spring is almost here and our schedules seem to be filling up fast. I had BUNCO last night (great fun, food, and friend, even if I didn't win!).I have Sonlight tonight, Emma is coming to see our puppies (finally!) and I have a meeting in Kirksville on Thursday. Friday is the women's retreat overnight at the church. Saturday, I'll be at the church until noon, a Pampered Chef party at 1 and Vance's party that night. Emma is going to stay the night with us afterward and I'm not sure who is more excited...me or Trenton! Sunday morning is church, dinner at Trenton's grandparents, then an afternoon at my parents to see Holly, Logan, and Myra Jean. And whaddya know.......It'll be Monday all over again! I'm exhausted already!

4 comments:

Miss Jenn said...

You've been heavy on my heart...I can tell you are feeling down. Praying for you & I'm always down the hall if you need a shoulder, hug, or ear.
Love you!

Corin said...

I want to have something comforting and helpful to tell you. I know someday, God's plan will become clear and you'll see the reasoning. Until then I'll be praying for you and Trenton. No one deserves to be parents more.

Andrea Frederick said...

Erin~I have no words that you have not already heard. I often think/pray for you too. The strain your are under is immeasurable. I am also a glass half full kind of girl, so I'm thinking of how strong your marriage is becoming. How great it will be to witness your dreams come true, when they finally do. Just remember than woman in stretchmarks and how long she waited and how hard she grieved. Emma is very excited to see your puppies and spend the night. Anytime, you guys need a little girl to pass the time, she's usually available. Love ya~

Bree Shaw said...

i kind of know how you are feeling. it took me over a year to get pregnant with bronson and braylon. but i also had one already so that made a difference. i will be praying for you too and hope that things will work out. i am glad you have such an understanding husband. not every one has that, so you are lucky:) glad you let us all know your troubles so we can try and help you.