Tuesday, October 26, 2010

This is normal, right?

I think I'm starting to freak out a little bit about the whole almost there thing. Do you see that countdown on the right? It says 46 days. Give or take a few. That is impossible.

I lay awake at night thinking things like, what if the name we have picked out doesn't sound right? Should we change it? What if I can't breastfeed, do I have a formula on hand for back up? If so, what one? Will she be warm enough in the pram that I have for a winter coat? What if we get snowed/stuck in the house and I need something for her? What if we're simply just not good at being parents? What if that maternal instinct, doesn't kick in for me? People keep asking me what kind of diapers and wipes I want...I don't know, I don't have a baby to try them on yet. I know this kind works for you, but what if it gives my girl a rash. So I just say, you pick and we'll hope for the best. I'm trying to be laid back about figuring things out as we go, but the more questions people ask me about things I don't know yet, the more I'm starting to feel like the kid that needs the cheat sheet to pass the test. I'm open for all kinds advice.

Then I think about other stupid stuff, like "Trenton, yes, I know it's 3:15 in the morning, but do you think James would come look at the light in the basement and why it won't work?" OR " I really want to get that spare bed set up in the basement tomorrow". Granted, most nights, I've refrained from waking him up and just lay there with my mental list until morning. I feel like I'm becoming the grouchy pregnant lady because I'm not sleeping and other people's demands just put more pressure on the never-ending list of things I feel like I need to get done first. I'm feeling the pressure of the whole holiday schedule and be here at this time and there at that time and so and so wants to have Thanksgiving on this day. I know part of that is the unknown of when she will come, so I don't feel like we have any 100% definite plan of how our time will be spent from Thanksgiving to Christmas. If she's 2 weeks early, hello Thanksgiving. If she's 2 weeks late, Merry Christmas! I just feel like saying, "yeah, about that, we'll be there if we can, but if not, Happy Holidays!"

Tell me this is all normal. Tell me that it's a temporary thing because the time is getting so close. I just can't help but feel that we've waited so long for this, but at the same time, I know our WHOLE lives are going to change. What if we aren't as ready for that change as we thought. My husband appears to be Mr. Calm and Cool. He just keeps telling me, we're adaptable, we're flexible, we can handle it. I know he's right, but someone needs to send my brain that memo at 3:00 am when it's making yet another to do list.


Shonya said...

I think this is perfectly normal. It's probably part of God's natural plan, developing that very nurturing instinct you fear not having. You love your baby and you want the very best for her--of course that's a little scary! The questioning and second guessing and fears of lacking are just beginning, my friend. :) I've heard more experienced mothers say it doesn't even go away when the kids leave home and have their own families!!!

But there's hope. Take it to the Lord in prayer. (I've even prayed through our adoption journeys that He would give me love for my children that we could bond as He wills, and He has provided that love beyond measure every single time.) He alone is the source of strength, and personally, I think being a parent is the biggest way we realize we don't have it all together and we can't do it on our own. And that's good for us!

As far as the parenting issues, some of them really aren't that big of a deal (so you can do whatever you want!), others trust your instincts and you'll be just fine, seek the Lord's will, and if you get stuck, look to someone who is showing good fruit and ask for advice, always checking it against the Word of God.

Remember, God gave this baby to YOU (and Trent)--He knows YOU are the ones who know best for her and He will equip you to raise her for Him if you seek Him. (This is a refrain I constantly play in my head. God doesn't call the equipped, He equips the called. Praise God!!)

And other people will just have to deal with the holidays--giggle. Enjoy your pregnancy and your baby and let them worry about it. LOL

Diane Melvin said...

It is perfectly normal. I remember the morning I was in labor and we were heading to the hospital. Gail had a few chores to do so I just sat on the back porch and waited playing with the dog. As I waited I started to cry. I started thinking of all those things you are talking about. And it does just "come naturally". It is hard to explain, but you'll understand it soon enough.

The best diaper advice that I can give is use a gerenic that works for her. We started using name brand, but quickly switched. She did not wet through them and was not allergic. It saves us a lot of money. By the time she was about a year or year and a half we started using pampers again because they fit her better.

It will all be alright. Just breathe and enjoy!!

Erin said...

Thanks so much Shonya! I've been so focused in my prayer time about trusting my body and God to prepare for delivery,etc and haven't been focused enough on asking Him to prepare us for taking care of her. You are so right that He chose us to care for her so He will equip us as He sees fit, which may not always be in the same ways I think we need to be prepared. Thanks again!

Corin said...

Of course it's normal! I remember having a very similar freak out post when I was pregnant with Ellie.
Rest assured everything will be fine. People cut you all kinds of slack when you have a new baby, so holiday plans will be flexible. You and Trenton will be wonderful parents. The fact that you are so worried about Little Miss already proves that. My best advice is to be calm, patient, and forgiving of yourself and each other. Nobody does it all right all the time.
Diapers: We use Luvs. I find they are cheaper then the other name brands and better then the generic (in my opinion) I will say we used some Pampers we had been given and Eliana got a horrible diaper rash/yeast infection. I mean horrible! I don't know that there was any correlation, but I'm not brave enough to experiment.
Formula: We use Enfimeal Gentlese. Levi had constipation issues and that was the brand that worked best for him. We just went straight to it with Ellie in the hopes of avoiding the dr. visits we had in trying to regulate Levi.
Breast feeding: I've told you this before but it may not go well in the beginning. Just keep at it and it will get easier. I say give it three weeks before you give up on it.
Hope this helps. If you ever have any questions there is a whole bunco group full of moms that would love to give you advice and opinions. (Elicited or not) You guys are going to do great. You were born to be parents!

Lori said...

I guess I will leave you with the comment that gets me through it all, big and small, Every thing happens for a reason!! The other favorite for that stage, is "People have babies everyday, lots of them and if most people can handle it, so can you!!!"

Bree Shaw said...

The freak out before the baby is so normal. You will do fine, it just all comes so natural. Very hard to explain until you experience it. You guys are great with other kids and will do fantastic with your own.

Diapers: Just use what you are given and you will find out which ones work and don't work. We ended up using the generic kind in the end b/c they were cheaper and worked fine with my kiddos. But every child is different so just try what you have.

Formula: Every child is different! Another experimenting deal....

Holidays: I had Braxton on December 21st, so I totally know how you are feeling. He was due December 24th and I said " I WILL have this baby before Christmas and WILL make it to all 7 of our Christmases!" We got out of the hospital on the 23rd and had 2 Christmases on the 24th. One in Floris Ia at noon and I remember getting everything ready and getting ready myself when I realized I couldn't find my make up. I went into hormonal freak out. We were suppose to be in Floris at 12 and didn't even leave home until 12! My dad called wondering where we were and I was crying and saying that we were new parents and couldn't get around like we thought me could. If you know me... I hate being late! I am always early! So on the way I told Jared we had to stop at Pamida so I could get makeup and he said, you will be fine! I started crying and carrying on and he said "OK, We will stop and get it!" Totally dumb, but I thought I had to have it! Looking back I just laugh about it and think why didn't you just look in the car where the make up was! I did make it to all 7 Christmases even after having a c-section, so you will be fine. If you can't make it, I guarantee they will come to you:)

Good luck with everything... I am so excited and happy for you guys.