Wednesday, January 20, 2010

What's in a name??

So, I'm hoping to make a comeback from my recent blogger hiatus. I mean I do have a lot of time on my hands as of late...

I'm on the road to recovery. For those of you (all 2 readers that I might still have) that don't know, I was in a rollover accident on December 30th outside of Glenwood. My sister, Kayla, was with me. I was driving, road was slick, brakes locked up. I failed stunt driving 101, which resulted in a totaled Trailblazer and a very intense ambulance ride for Kate and I to the local hospital. I was transferred to University of Missouri by ambulance. End result: Kayla with 3 stitches in her hand, and me on a backboard for 9 awesome hours. 2 days later I left the hospital in a love/hate relationship with a back/neck brace b/c I have a compression fracture at the T3 vertebrae and a fracture of the C6 vertebrae. As of now, the brace is an adornment until the end of February.

Since my release, I've been catching up on Regis & Kelly, Ellen, & The View. Not too mention, all of the ABC Soaps. Which might sound super appealing, but it's getting a little old, real quick. I'm off work until we get some more concrete answers on the healing process and the recovery. Trenton finally went back to work today. He's been such a blessing to me these past 3 weeks. I know it hasn't been easy on him to have to wait on me hand and foot. But I'm grateful that he loves me and I have him in my life. We've been abundantly blessed by an outpouring of love from our family, friends, and neighbors. I haven't had to cook once since coming home due to a fully stocked freezer of delicious meals. Andrea & Jenn graciously came out and did laundry, dishes, and a little cleaning to make my arrival back home that much easier. What a joy to be surrounded by so many wonderful people!

I'm not gonna lie...there was a brief time right after the accident that I was scared to death. I knew we were both going to be ok. Looking at the vehicle, we came out VERY lucky. But there is just something about seeing your baby sister, hurting and covered in blood, that makes your heart stop, knowing it was at your hands. But we both obviously had someone looking out for us.

So as I was laying awake not sleeping last night...I was thinking about my poor abandoned blog. Can I just be real for a minute? It's hard to write on a blog named Lucky Like Us, when I've been feeling, well... not so lucky.I really do think that Trenton & I have had our share of bad luck. I mean seriously, 2009, or 2008 now that I think about it, just haven't been our years. In the course of that time, we've been through 3 miscarriages, this accident, an impromptu emergency surgery, need I go on? So in the dark of night, I pondered changing the name. I considered the following:

1. UNlucky Like Us
2. Crappy Things that Happen to Mostly Good People
3. What Happens When You Get On Karma's Bad Side
4. Easy (insert disclaimer about easy) Ways to Meet Your Insurance Deductible
5. TV Reviews from the Housebound Girl with One Channel...

While these were my top 5, I just kept coming back to why I named the blog this way originally. Mostly it was because I was a newlywed with stars in my eyes and thought that life was just going to fall into place. While I was wrong, I also stole the name from the lyrics of one of the songs we had played at the wedding.

Here's the song....

Some People

Isn't it a gamble
Layin' your heart out on the floor
Nothin' short of a miracle
When you find the one you're looking for
It's another kind of trouble trying to hang on to who you are
When all you wanna do is lose yourself in someone else's arms
Isn't it a wonder (that) we got this far

Some people aren't lucky like us
Some people they just give up
When the hard times fall
The thrill of it all is gone
Leaves you in a cloud of dust
It's sad to think that some won't find it
And others won't recognize it even when it comes
We're all at the mercy of the will of love
Some people yeah
Some people aren't lucky like us

Two lonely souls that just stumbled into fate
Look how much we've been given babe
In spite of all of our mistakes
And I will never forget I've been blessed with the gift of lovin' you
And when the going aint easy babe
A little faith will pull us through
Thank God we have each other we can hang onto

To have someone you can laugh with
Someone you can cry with
Tell all your secrets to
To have someone who won't judge you
Someone who just loves you
No matter what, they stand beside you

Some people aren't lucky like us
Some people they just give up
When the hard times fall
The thrill of it all is gone
Leaves you in a cloud of dust
It's sad to think that some won't find it
And others won't recognize it even when it comes
We're all at the mercy of the will of love
Some people yeah
Some people aren't lucky like us

So, upon further reflection, while I still like option #2, I think I'll keep the name for now. While we've definitely had our fair share of, let's be honest, crap. We've also been extremely blessed. We were presented to move to the country, to an amazing house, Trenton found a job that has given him the freedom to be home with me during Christmas and now after the accident without the worry about jeopardizing his job. I've been blessed with amazing co-workers who have picked up the slack for me in my absences even though they have full plates of their own. I have wonderful bosses who are more worried about my health than the work that is stacking up on my desk. Although, the accident was bad, we both walked away without serious life threatening or life altering injuries. We'll heal and still have full lives to live. And although, we've lost several beautiful children in the past year and a half, we've also gained a beautiful neice and nephew, who are growing into fascinating little people right before our eyes. I have an amazing husband. I never in my life dreamed that the love I felt for him in those first few months could and would multiply a million time over in the years that have followed. He's strong, brave, caring, and much more. And he's been standing by my side throught it's that for lucky?

On the TTC homefront ("trying")...obviously, we're on a bit of an indefinite break right now. While there are a multitude of emotions I've been through coming to terms with that, ranging from bitterness and anger to just sadness, I'm relatively at peace with it for now. I'll be honest, it's increasingly harder to see others starting their families and expanding their families while we're still stuck in the time warp of being childless. But we still believe it will happen for us. We're trying to stay positive, which is hard. I've made a decision to try to open up a little bit more here on the blog about what we're going through and where we're at in the process. There are a couple of reasons for this. #1 being that you never know who will stumble upon your blog on any given day. I've searched and read a number of blogs of people who are dealing/have dealt with infertility. They've been extremely helpful and comforting, giving me hope to carry on. In the off chance, that maybe one person might just read my words and feel some small chance of hope in the dark world of infertility, I think I can be real and honest about our struggle. #2 reason- I feel like we've been so secretive about what's going on with our journey, that people have started to feel like they have to walk on eggshells around us and I don't want that. I don't want anyone to feel like they can't share their joy with us about their pregnancies and children. Sometimes, it hurts. Most times, we cry. But we also share in your happiness. Children are a blessing, no matter what. And someday, we'll fully understand what it's like to be a part of that lifelong joy.

So.....while I'd love to entertain you more with my rambling and random thoughts...I'm tired and my butt is numb. And I promised my husband I'd do some laundry while he was gone today. So far, mission unaccomplished.


Amee Jones said...

I am partial to choice #3. ;) You have been so strong through everything. I know it doesn't seem like it to you at times, but as I have seen everything that you have gone through, I am truly inspired by your never ending faith. I feel so blessed to have such an amazing person as a best friend. OK, I don't want to leave Trenton out! I am also thankful for a man to love my husband as much as I's to fifty more years, no seventy more years, of friendship, vacations, and date nights. Love you!

Lori said...

Glad to see that you blogged. We are thinking about you and glad you are feeling better, but sad that we won't get to see you until the end of February!! Keep up the great spirit!!!

Andrea Frederick said...

Whew...what a huge range of emotions in one blog post:) I'm glad you're being more open, 1. so you can have a place to vent 2. so we can know how to help you and 3. so you can help others. I read a blog about a women with infertility for 5 years and now she just celebrated her little girl's 1st birthday. Emma and I will schedule another visit as soon as this weather gets iteself under control! Love you...

Jamie said...

How I love reading your blog! By the way, I'm pretty sure that there's more than a couple people reading your blog and I know you have more readers than I do. ;) You always seem to find the right words to express yourself - not a gift that I have!
While I completely agree that you've had a couple of crappy years, I know that there is more in store for you.
I must say that I'm am humbled by your openess. You are willing to put your feelings out there and that isn't always easy.
As for the TTC front, you know I'm always hear to listen if you ever want to gripe. I've been there and know that frustration. I remember the crying when others got pregnant and being angry and sad all at the same time. Just know that you have ever right to feel that way and I think that all of those feelings are normal when you're TTC.
I know that God is taking care of you through Trent! I pray for you guys frequently.
Please let me know if there's anything I can do!
Love you!

Amy said...

I don't personally know you, but I do remember Trenton, I just recently saw you both as you were in the line to greet the family at my Uncle Bill's visitation Sunday evening, so I know you know some of my family anyway.

I just wanted to say on the TTC front, your feelings are completely normal, I myself had all the same thoughts. I can't say I 100% know where you're coming from as I've never miscarried, but I did have a major struggle with conceiving in the first place. We tried and tried, and finally almost a full 9 years later (when I'd finally given up on the idea of us ever getting pregnant as I had other things to worry about now since that was during the time of my sister (Tracy Ketchum's) car accident, so I was traveling back & forth to see her, and I just gave up worrying about it since I was needed for other things at that time). Then to my surprise, during her time after ICU & into Rehab, I found out I was finally pregnant. We still had a rocky road paved with many complications, but in the end, we now have an almost 7 month old son.

Sorry, to ramble so long, just thought it would help to know you weren't alone.

Corin said...

So, so glad you're back to blogging. No matter what the topic you always right with honesty and wit.
Blessings and prayers to you and Trenton.

Miss Jenn said...

glad you're back! I like the insurance deductible fav!!! love you tons and you know right where to find me when you need to scream and cry instead of type (or in addition to). not that we don't miss you but we're plugging along a-ok at work so no worries!...
and I must confess that I JUST realized that in all the transporting of meals I haven't actually cooked for you...I'm so sorry!! I shall remedy this someday (I won't say soon, but someday!)

Miss Jenn said...

and have SEVEN readers!

Bree Shaw said...

erin i am so glad you are getting some of that off of your chest. i personally don't know how you feel, but i can only imagine. it did take us a long time to conceive with bronson and braylon. it was hard when one of my friends got prego right after they started trying, but i got over it and went on. i think you are right that some people walk on eggshells when the topic of their kids come up around you. it's one of those things that just comes up without even thinking and then once the conversation gets going they realize what they are talking about and that you are around and they instantly feel bad b/c they know that your feelings are getting hurt by the topic. just know that it is never intentional and that you have every right to feel hurt, but we also do know that you share in the happiness of it too. i think you and trenton are super strong people and have never forgot that God is on your side whether it looks like it or not. keep your head up (which i know is easier said than done). but look at it this way... your head is always up right now, thanks to your friend called the neck brace:)

Bree said...

Hang in there, Erin! I'm so glad you're back to blogging & I hope it helps you through these rough times. You're an incredibly strong woman, and you will get through this. Remember, "this too shall pass."

Shonya said...

WOW! What a great post. I *love* hearing the story behind your blog title and the words to the song--that's what it's all about, isn't it?! Going through it all TOGETHER, growing TOGETHER whether it's the good times or the rough times.

I also appreciate your transparency with your desire for children. One line stood out to me: "Children are a blessing, no matter what." I admire you for focusing on that, even when it hurts. You are so right--sharing of yourself opens you to the opportunity to bless someone else (as well as giving others opportunity to bless you, even just with understanding).