Today....

I'm sad. I have a lot to be celebrating right now. I really do. Spring is alive all around us and the darkness of winter has passed leaving bright colors, crisp air, and beautiful babies everywhere. But I'm sad because today, I should be celebrating a 1st birthday. One year ago today is the day that our baby from the very first pregnancy should have been born. We have milestones from the other two miscarriages that I remember, but none hit me like this day has the last 2 years. I don't know if it's because we saw a heartbeat with this little one or if it's just that it was the first so I was naive and had already began dreaming of the life this little one would lead. With the 2nd and 3rd, we were so jaded that we didn't even let ourselves be excited or dream. I know we will be celebrating again soon. Believe me, I know! But for today, I'm going to be a little sad.

Also, please keep my Papa John in your prayers. I just got word this morning that my Grandma Maridee passed away in her sleep last night. I say Papa & Grandma, but they are technically my aunt and uncle. Papa John is my dad's brother, but because of the age difference in my parents most of my aunts and uncles are more grandparent age. Papa John just recently found out he has cancer and I'm afraid this will be too much for him to handle. They were such a big part of my childhood and it's hard too accept that one of them is gone and the other one is very ill.They lived over the hill from us and I fondly remember several days & evenings spent at their house. Of 12 children in my dad's family, only 2 aunts and 2 uncles remain. Sometimes, I feel like my link to my dad is slowly dying and fading away. I know I have cousins to help relive memories, but again they are all older and have different memories than I do, because by the time I was born, they were all grown with children of their own.

Sorry to be such a downer today.....on the plus side, it's Earth Day and we're picking up trash today....yippee!!!