Dear Baby...

Dear Baby,

Will you ever know just how much you are wanted? I'm feeling quite sentimental this morning. Reflecting on the long road we have traveled waiting for you to come into our lives. I know we still have several months before we meet, but I wonder if we'll ever be able to show you just how loved and wanted you are? So many prayers have been sent to God for you, so many tears cried, and dreams dreamed. Can you feel that love? Do you already know how badly we long to hold you in our arms? Oh, the dreams I have for you. To be happy and healthy. To be generous and giving. To have a tender heart like your mom and a know no stranger personality like your dad. To know the meaning of hard work and earning what you have. In a little over a week, we will know if you are coming to us as a beautiful little girl or a handsome little boy. Several people have asked us which we'd prefer. I just want you to know right now, that either way, you will be perfect to us. Boy or girl, we don't care, as long as you are ours in a few more months. With 10 little fingers and 10 little toes. Stay snugged in tight and keep growing for now sweet baby and we'll keep praying for you out here!

Dear Baby,


Although I cannot see you,

I still know you are there.

You are warm and snug inside me,

and require gentle care.



Although I cannot hold you,

or give you a hug goodnight.

I feel you move inside me

and know that you are alright.



Although I cannot kiss you,

or show you how I feel.

I know you share my feelings

and that our bond is real.



.....you are with me all the time

and always on my mind.

Already I have fallen in love

with my precious gift from up above.

I hear it only gets worse...???

So this whole "pregnancy brain" thing. I always that it was somewhat of a "myth". Until, I forgot to make my husband's truck payment, I went to work with 2 non-matching flip flops, and several other crazy things that have come out of my mouth. For instance, on Saturday, we decided to lay down for a bit and rest. I had already fallen asleep on the couch for a few minutes, so we just moved in to the bed. Trenton was watching the soccer game and I was slipping into nap time. I was only half listening to the announcer on TV and in my defense still kinda in that sleep state. I swear the announcer said, "if this team wants to win, they're really going to need testicle keepers"......

Now what they really said, was " if this team wants to win, they're really going to need to test the goal keeper". I sat up in bed and asked Trenton if I heard what I thought I did. Of course, he bust into hysterical laughter and has been teasing me about "testicle keepers" every since.

They tell me this whole fuzzy brained thinking gets worse? If that's true, I'm not sure what kinda shape I'll be in come December.

16 week appt

Kinda of a repeat from FB. But I wanted to jot down the info from today's appt for journaling purposes!

We had our June appt today. HB 150. My blood pressure is excellent and I only gained a pound since last month, which I contribute to the heavy pants I have on instead of the capris I wore last month. I will be discontinuing the glucophage that we were taking, but have a dietary consult to follow a diabetic diet. He feels more comfortable taking a natural approach to the insulin issues instead of continuing the meds at this point. He's not labeling me with gestational diabetes, but said I am at a higher risk because of my need for the glucophage prior to getting pregnant. I'll do bi-weekly blood sugar checks and hopefully keep things in check from there. If the diet isn't regulating it enough, we'll turn to insulin shots. In all honesty, it's going to be hard work, but I would much rather be a little stricter about what I'm eating and balancing my diet than I would give myself shots everyday :( boo! I'm grateful though that my cravings so far have been for whole foods & fruits/veggies. Carbs have already been a total turn off for me, so I feel like we've altered our diet already because of that. I'm not at the point where I have to totally go all out hard core, but prevention is the key!

We will go JULY 19th for our gender scan!!!!! I'm so excited! That's only a little under 3 weeks away! I had hoped to wait until my bday on July 27th for the gender scan just because I thought that would make it extra special, but he wants to see us in office that week and wants the u/s done earlier than that. So, aww shucks, we have to find out sooner! I just hate that! I know these next few weeks will drag on because we're looking forward to it so much.

I have moments of panic about actually having a baby and bringing it home. I think I just got to the mindset that I wasn't really sure we would ever actually get to that stage. We were very confident in our decision to start a family, but after having so much trouble, you put the family thought to the back burner and your primary concern becomes just getting to that positive test and making it stick then the rest will come later. I feel like the later might actually happen for us now...and oh boy, is it scary! And exciting. And breath-taking to think that in less than six months, our little family of 2 will be a family of 3 and all those dreams I've dreamed about holding a chubby cheeked little one in my arms, won't just be of holding other people's babies. I've always dreamed of nursery themes and baby names, but having a little person inside that will actually get to have that name, or sleep in that crib, or snuggle in that blanket changes everything. It's so amazing when you realize that your dreams are actually becoming your reality....and you know it's going to change your whole life forever....

A little late...but still

Trenton & I have been keeping a very big secret until recently. We found out on Easter Sunday that we were expecting. I asked God for a sign that day that things would be ok...15 minutes later, this was in the sky...



So we waited...and waited...and had blood drawn and more blood. And finally at 6W3D we were able to see this...



We had a fabulous u/s tech, who zoomed in for a heartbeat right away and found one beating at a perfect 111. We were measuring at 6W1D- so right on target for the most part. I was so surprised that she let us see the screen right away because usually they do their thing first, but she said as bad as I was shaking she could tell we were very NERVOUS and wanted to put us at ease. I burst into tears at the sound of that beautiful noise and didn't stop crying the whole time!

At this point, we were having none of the problems we had previously had. The u/s looked great and the doctor made an appt for a little over 5 weeks later. May 29th felt like it would NEVER get here. I was so nervous and anxious I seriously thought I was going to lose my mind. In the meantime, between driving my husband crazy over every single little twinge and pull, I started to have morning sickness...and afternoon sickness...and evening sickness. Not horribly bad, but enough where I was definitely ill 3/4 of the time. As the school year was wrapping up, my brain had completely shut down. Laundry and cooking dinner were replaced by 2-3 hour naps and this gal was in bed by 8-9 pm. I had never experienced any of this with the other pregnancies, so we were hoping this was a positive sign. To try and explain the emotions that we went through in those 5 weeks, would be impossible. I have never prayed so hard in my entire life. Mostly, we just prayed for God's will and for us to be at peace no matter the outcome. We wanted to shout it from the rooftops, but at the same time, we were so apprehensive that something would go wrong, we just couldn't say anything.

May 29th finally arrived. I went fairly confident into this u/s. Why I'm not sure, but I just felt like things were going to be ok. And this is what we saw...



A baby...a real life baby with a HB of 157 and 10 fingers and 10 toes and absolutely amazing. He/she was not a fan of the doppler and kept doing flips and what not to get away from the sound the tech said. It was the most astounding sight I've ever seen....

We decided to wait until after Kayla's graduation to make our announcement to my side, which was on Sunday. On Friday night, we told his mom and told his dad on Saturday morning. I broke down and told Jamie and Kayla on Saturday morning over muffins and coffee after a girls' morning at Farmer's Market. Kayla said it was silly for us to wait and to go ahead and share. We still thought we should hold off until after her party Saturday night. After the party was cleaned up, we all went back to mom and David's and we broke the news then. It's kinda just spread by word of mouth and of course, Facebook. We're crazy excited and hope that come December 11th...or close to it, we'll be holding Baby T in our arms!

Happy Anniversary!

I love this pic! They are two of the best parents anyone could ask for! They celebrated 12 years together yesterday. I'm a bad daughter and forgot to wish them Happy Anniversary until they reminded me...but in all fairness, I had remembered, just ask Trenton. I had just forgotten to tell them in the chaos of the funeral.